There are days sometimes when Brass Monkey Weather swaps with Someone Kicked Over a Big Bucket Up There Weather.
And as I am writing, we are being lambasted by really pissed off rain. The rain itself wouldn’t be so bad, but it has found a new dancing partner called Wind, code name Gale Force.
No mere umbrella survives this onslaught, the pavements are littered with skeletons of cloth and metal. I am sad to say that my own umbrella, the one that I had boasted of being able to withstand anything, lost a brief fight tonight and nearly took my eye out in the process. And oh sweet joy, a bus full of passengers witnessed my vain battle to save it. Good thing they couldn’t hear what I was saying as I wasn’t pleading with the elements but cussing up a storm of red poker hot words. A vicious gust ripped umbrella inside out, taking my breath from my body in a gasp of shock and plaited the spokes together before my very eyes. It was like the storm was saying ” Yeah, that will teach you for even thinking that you can stand up to ME!” and I could have sworn that the wind laughed with hysterical glee. I gathered up the twisted remains of a brave comrade and dragged its battered carcass home , effing and blinding with disbelief as the tearing rain whipped into, on top of and around me. Made it to my front door and tried to open it but the wind kicked it open , spat me in and slammed goodbye. There is nothing more pitiful than a knackered umbrella, leaning in a corner, promising future glory but unable to deliver. Good thing I’ve got a large wheelie bin.
What happened to the April Showers of years gone by? Rain drops keep falling on my head….no…more like… Come and get a kicking if you think you’re hard enough…
Thursday 1st March was really warm, surprise, surprise This must be the start of the warm weather we were promised, I thought,so I wore my sunglasses to Lewisham Shopping Centre. People were smiling and chatting, some brave souls had thrown caution to to the wind and were displaying acres of skin which really should have been kept under cover. I felt so warn that I was thinking I might have to break out a skirt for Friday as my legs have not seen the light of day since last year. Even my house felt so hot that I had to turn the heating down. And then Friday arrived with a blanket of fog and it was Brass Monkey weather, bitterly cold and grey, determined to wipe out any memory of Thursday. Talk about a shock to the system,you never know where you are with our weather, you’ve just got to enjoy the good bits and plow on through the bad bits.
It was a bright day today until the sky had a tantrum and cried tears of rain. I’m sick to the back teeth of rain, it wouldn’t even be so bad but we don’t seem to get the rain we use to years ago. Nowadays, rain shows up with an attitude, kicking umbrellas out of protesting hands, drenching everything in sight within seconds, whipped along with a chorus of wind and speed. Once upon a time, rain would fall so gently, little timid drops first and then a gradual display of respectable water. This was like a polite warning and gave you time to find shelter. Now its more like : Get Out Of The Way or You Will Get Soaked and I have a sneaking suspicion that someone has kicked a bucket over up there. I suppose this is just a sign of the times, even the weather is acting up. Summer came and went like a brief memory, I blinked and missed it, my summer outfits never even saw the light of day.
And so we are now into Winter. Autumn made a guest appearance but failed to shake any leaves off the trees. A couple of brave trees decided to to go with the flow of the season but now stand looking half naked and embarrassed.
I just wish the dark evenings could start a bit later. By the time 2.00pm in the afternoon rolls around, it’s like the sun is scared of being mugged and beats a hasty retreat from the grey darkness. By 4pm, night has fallen, smug and secure, determined to rule for the next 16 hours.